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Answer by Commander RS Rathore (retd.): everyone has self-confidence. One may not have as much as the SSB seeks in an individual.

The first step should be to get personalised training under me so that I can evaluate your personality and advise you accordingly. If you are unable to come to me, you can evaluate yourself to some extent. You may be lacking in self-confidence as per SSB standards if you have one or more of these personality traits? -

• You avoid difficult situations (climbing a high ledge, taking rigorous physical exercise, sitting long hours for studies, etc.),
• You are sensitive to criticism (are unable to speak on a subject in front of a group, are always grooming yourself, you think you should have been more beautiful or handsome, are always looking for ways to get likes on social media/friends, try many dresses before leaving for party, etc.),
• You are Anxious [about result even when others are telling you that you are deserving, repeatedly do something (check mobile, touch-up make up, look-in mirror, etc.), have sweaty palms before a meeting, etc.]  
• You are not your usual self in social situations (remain secluded in a party or you talk to only those in the party whom you know, are not comfortable in talking to authoritative figure, etc.)
• You are reluctant to trust yourself (you are scared you will not pass and never put extra efforts to pass. You will rather be happy to get some tips to pass, cannot run long distance & never force yourself to build up your stamina, you think SSB is difficult though you are able to put as much effort as your seniors have put to pass their SSB, etc.)

• On a lighter note let us see an example of underconfident person: If having low confidence was an Olympic sport...... I would probably get a Bronze.

Causes of low self-confidence: -

• Genetic: Some of what moulds our self-confidence is built into our brains at birth. Therefore, our genetic makeup affects the amount of certain confidence-boosting chemicals our brain can access. Hence, there is a limitation on how much confidence we can improve.
• Unsupportive parents, carers or others that play an influential role in life: Parent/ teachers/ carers who constantly belittle children, compare children to others, or tell them that they would never amount to anything etc. enthuse low self-confidence in children.
• Friends who are bad influences: Childhood bullying can leave a mark on confidence when it comes to looks, intellectual and athletic abilities, and other areas of life. 
• Religious, cultural and gender: Scores of studies show women are socialized to worry more about how they’re perceived and, therefore, to take fewer risks. religious and cultural background may have internalized some negative, untrue messages about potential and belonging to mainstream.”
• Trauma or abuse: If you find yourself replaying memories of abuse or otherwise feeling tormented by or ashamed of your experiences, please consider seeking treatment from a licensed clinician.
• poor performance at school or unrealistic goals: Some students do not have insight. They do not consider their performance, efforts and achievements while setting up goals. The results never match-up to their expectation causing low self-confidence.
• Mood disorders such as depression or temperament: If you're a cautious and reserved person, self-confidence may have eluded you. 
• Anxiety: If we think we must feel confident in order to act confidently, we set ourselves up for failure. In addition, perfectionism is another form of faulty thinking that contributes to low self-confidence. If we believe we must have something all figured out before we act, those thoughts can keep us from doing the things in correct steps.
• Social Media: Most youngsters are swayed by what is posted on social media. Always look for professional advice.

Remedy: Improving Self-confidence

One important key to success is self-confidence. And important key to self-confidence is preparation.

Act as a confident person: How you walk, sit, eat, how you behave when others are talking etc. make a huge impact on others. Your body language is therefore a very important aspect of your personality. Have a relaxed posture. Walk upright do not droop or be extra rigid. When others in a group are talking have a relaxed tone. Do not get involved with the surroundings but pay attention to the speaker. If anyone is talking to you, have a calm eye contact. do not stare or get distracted. Have a good body language that shows that you are confident. Initially ‘act as a confident person’, slowly it becomes a habit.

Create visual cues: Self-confidence depends on a combination of good physical health, emotional health and social health. It is hard to feel good about yourself if you hate your physique or constantly have low energy. Find time to cultivate great exercise, eating and sleep habits. In addition, dress like a gentleman cadet or a lady cadet when you go to school/college/ coaching. You have heard the saying that “clothes make the man.”  Hence, improve your looks. Always look your best. Your appearance influences the way you feel. Smile! It increases your face value!

Healthy diet: Eating well and exercising boosts endorphins, the body’s natural opiates, which make you feel good on the inside and stimulates a more positive mood.

Be Physically fit: workout regularly for a good physique. It is confidence in your physique, mind and spirit that allows you to keep looking for new adventures. Tell yourself- one adventure activity a week.

Be competent: Confidence comes from competence. Competence comes from study and practice.

Be Courageous: Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the ability to act despite fear or apprehension. Conquer unrealistic fears by learning the art of relaxation and deep breathing. When confronted with an anxious situation, take slow deep breaths. Meditate every day.

Seek positive support: A mentor is always needed for realising your full potential. Invest in finding and training under a professional mentor.

Hang out with positive and funny people: People who care about themselves will find it pleasurable to be good to you. Don’t hang around negative people. Your friends will never tell you, “you can’t do”. However, you need to tell them, “I am regular on learning, keeping fit, being happy and therefore I can”.

Keep a Journal: Make a table of goodness in you on one side and areas you need to improve on the opposite side. To establish true self-confidence, we must concentrate on our successes and forget about the failures and the negatives in our lives.

Value yourself: Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.

Feel good about yourself: Visualization is the technique of seeing an image of yourself that you are proud of, in your own mind. When we struggle with low self-confidence, we have a poor perception of ourselves that is often inaccurate. Practice visualizing a fantastic version of yourself, achieving your goals. Say good-bye to a “victim’s” mentality. Quit focusing on how others have mistreated you. Stop looking to others for approval and you will soon find that other’s opinions of you have less power to bring you down. Do something nice for yourself instead.

Affirmation: are positive and uplifting statements that we say to ourselves. These are normally more effective if said out loud so that you can hear yourself say it. We tend to believe whatever we tell ourselves constantly. To get your brain to accept your positive statements more quickly, phrase your affirmations as questions such as, “Why am I so good at solving maths?” instead of “I am so good at maths.” Our brains are biologically wired to seek answers to questions, without analysing whether the question is valid or not.

Set-up realistic targets: Give yourself power by deciding what you can do in problem situations. Build strength through constructive action. Work toward accepting the things you cannot change. But, change the things you can. 

Help others: Helping others often enables us to forget about ourselves and to feel grateful for what we have. It also feels good when you can make a difference for someone else. volunteer to mentor, assist or teach another, and you'll see your self-confidence grow automatically in the process.

Redefine failure and keep trying: The failure is to be faced head-on. By improving everyday in all aspects little by little you will gain confidence from every experience, you will see your self-confidence soar. So, get out of your comfort zone and get on with your goals!

On a lighter note let us end with: I went to Cdr Rathore because I needed some confidence. He gave me some confidence for Rs 11500/- …….. But I think he tricked me into working endlessly on studies, physique, looking good and meditating.

Note:

1. These are only rough guidelines for self-evaluation. Please do consult me (or any other professional) for a detailed mapping of your personality.
2. Please find time to give your feedback on my WhatsApp number (9827058797) even if you have not asked this question.
3. You can ask questions even if you are not a student of RS Defenceselect Academy. I will reply to all relevant questions in this blog.